There is a place in my mind I try to stay away from. It’s the place that recalls abuse, regret and shame. Over the years I’ve learned that forgiveness of people and most importantly “myself” is essential to healing.
What has been my personal saving grace is my ability to understand that people make mistakes, PTSD is real, I am NOT “CRAZY” and Cannabis is my treatment of choice.
It’s been over 30 years since the last time I was physically abused (#METOO) but some days, the reminder of how I felt when it happened, will pull on my emotions and require me to tend to my needs. Scenarios will happen at work that will take me back to 14 years old. Often times I will excuse myself from the store. I’ll take a walk to allow myself time to meditate on my affirmations, ” I am powerful and NO ONE can hold me down, back or cause me to react but me” ” I am in control of my own greatness and I give myself permission to be DOPE!”
No matter how many years have past that ache of being a victim can creep up on me unannounced. It’s a feeling of weakness, rejection and abandonment. Those emotions feed fear into my present and could hold me back from future and legacy. Thank goodness I’m not ashamed to stop and take care of ME.
Being able to affirm myself, micro-dose with my favorite sativa hybrid vape oil and take time to love on me, has allowed me to be my best me. It’s helped me embrace my future and conquer my past. I never thought I could be the me that I am. I thought I would always be a slave to my victim emotions and thoughts. I am truly living in a #blackgirlmagic I NEVER could have imagined. Being able to understand myself enough to treat myself is liberating!! I feel powerful!!
PTSD is real! I know because I live with it everyday. It’s a disease that can’t be escaped or cured BUT it can be treated and Cannabis has been my answer. I didn’t need the #METOO movement to accept my past. Nor did I need it to expose my past. I needed the movement because I am free to talk about my treatment and WHY it has worked for me.
I admire the men and women that have used the opportunity to expose and release. I look forward to the men and women that will embrace their OWN courage in their time.