In the industry I joke about the guy who is still slanging marijuana as a gig. How he must really have had to learn his profession to compete with big industry. How “slanging” trees probably has had to become a passion not just a hobby. How at this point, he should consider going legit or get a new gig!
Actually, that is “I joked” past tense. My awareness to my community struggling to understand the dynamics of an industry that capitalizes on them as consumers but doesn’t allow them entry as owners is diabolical. The truth of falsely criminalizing people of color to easily marginalize them later is criminal. It’s constant with the way America works but looked upon as a habit.
I remember shrugging off the idea that Big Business would take over the Cannabis industry. Why would Big Business want to take a risk like Cannabis. You can’t bank and you can’t duplicate the model. How would Big Business find this “risk” worth taking?
I was WRONG!! Big Business is here
Simply put, the money keeps flowing. I’m sure they believe, everything else will work itself out.
Meanwhile people of color are still in prison on crimes Big Business is making billions off of. Oh, and I haven’t forgotten the fucking war on drugs was really a war on people. War is Big Business! Of course! I’m shaking my damn head at that bullshit!
As I, a woman of color, fight the war of marginalization in life, I mean business, my bad. I see far too clearly how difficult the road ahead is
1. I’m Black in an industry where I’m 6 times more likely to get arrested for possession over my white counterparts.
2. I’m a leading woman in an industry where I’m usually best served as the pretty glorified Cannabis waitress (budtender)
3. I’m a black woman that has been depicted in media as a haughty, aggressive, foul mouthed, emotionally ignorant person.
I may not be out here like the small Cannabis busines owner “slanging” my products. But I am out here! I’m fighting my own wars in this industry. Trying to manipulate the codes and maneuver through regulations to ensure justice for that small business owner that wants HIS chance at the free flowing money risk.
There is a place in my mind I try to stay away from. It’s the place that recalls abuse, regret and shame. Over the years I’ve learned that forgiveness of people and most importantly “myself” is essential to healing.
What has been my personal saving grace is my ability to understand that people make mistakes, PTSD is real, I am NOT “CRAZY” and Cannabis is my treatment of choice.
It’s been over 30 years since the last time I was physically abused (#METOO) but some days, the reminder of how I felt when it happened, will pull on my emotions and require me to tend to my needs. Scenarios will happen at work that will take me back to 14 years old. Often times I will excuse myself from the store. I’ll take a walk to allow myself time to meditate on my affirmations, ” I am powerful and NO ONE can hold me down, back or cause me to react but me” ” I am in control of my own greatness and I give myself permission to be DOPE!”
No matter how many years have past that ache of being a victim can creep up on me unannounced. It’s a feeling of weakness, rejection and abandonment. Those emotions feed fear into my present and could hold me back from future and legacy. Thank goodness I’m not ashamed to stop and take care of ME.
Being able to affirm myself, micro-dose with my favorite sativa hybrid vape oil and take time to love on me, has allowed me to be my best me. It’s helped me embrace my future and conquer my past. I never thought I could be the me that I am. I thought I would always be a slave to my victim emotions and thoughts. I am truly living in a #blackgirlmagic I NEVER could have imagined. Being able to understand myself enough to treat myself is liberating!! I feel powerful!!
PTSD is real! I know because I live with it everyday. It’s a disease that can’t be escaped or cured BUT it can be treated and Cannabis has been my answer. I didn’t need the #METOO movement to accept my past. Nor did I need it to expose my past. I needed the movement because I am free to talk about my treatment and WHY it has worked for me.
I admire the men and women that have used the opportunity to expose and release. I look forward to the men and women that will embrace their OWN courage in their time.